Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
