go do what you do best...puke behind churches
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
