I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
