I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
