I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
