Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
