just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
