My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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