I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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