Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
