She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
