so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
