Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
