Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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