I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
