did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
