....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
