she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he thought i was a dude.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
