One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
