he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
