dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
