Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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