Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
