I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
