plz talk dirty to me
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
