She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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