Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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