I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
