Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
