I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
