Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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