miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize
