I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
