if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
