the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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