there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
