I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
