so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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