Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How does it feel to date your dad?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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