Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
