i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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