At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
