Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
