Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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