i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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