Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
