don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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