i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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