I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
