Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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