god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
