its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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