Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
