now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
