I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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