Just took my morning after pill in the library
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
