On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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