i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
