: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
