Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
