i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
His nipple licking is glorious
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