is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize