So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
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