The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
