totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
