how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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