Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
