need another drink. this is the easiest way
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
