I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I will die if light touches me.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
