Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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