Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
