I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
