And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
