How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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