I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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