i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
